Food

I was at a Dunkin Donuts recently buying some bagels. There was a coffee pot sitting on the warmer with the following text on it:

Discard coffee after 18 minutes to insure freshness.

Two things... Shouldn’t it be ensure? And why 18 minutes? Gotta wonder what kind of crazy calculations were performed to figure out that coffee optimally retains freshness for 18 minutes, and degrades exponentially after that. I can only assume that the degradation is exponential, otherwise why not just say 20 minutes? Coffee must turn rancid real fast after minute 18 for them to not even want to serve it.

Thanks Dunkin Donuts, for taking such great measures to insure I am getting the freshest coffee possible at your fine establishment.

Two of the most delicious foods available to man in this day and age are honey crisp apples and Edy’s Slow Churned Cherry Chocolate Chip ice cream.

These apples are always so crispy, you just have to sink your teeth into the apple a little bit, pull away from it, and a juicy delicious chunk of apple will just break off... right into your mouth. That is the perfect apple. Crisp, sweet, and delicious.

The ice cream needs no explanation. It is simply an ambrosial concoction of cherry ice cream, chocolate chips, and maraschino cherries. Pure bliss...

Do your taste buds a solid, and go buy these items immediately, and then eat them.

You have GOT to be kidding me! There is no way this thing actually exists. There is NOT a company out there, that is manufacturing this crap. I refuse to believe I can go buy this in my local supermarket.

What’s next? Philly cheesesteak on a stick? Microwaveable Thanksgiving dinner on a stick? Might as well start selling plain ol’ frozen water on a stick. That way you can have dinner and a glass of water... all on a stick.

I’m in Dayton, OH for the week on business and the other day we went to a restaurant called Cold Beer & Cheeseburgers for lunch. How great a name is that?! I sure as hell don’t have to wonder what they serve! Blunt and straight to the point. I’m not sure how long this restaurant has been around, but I’m certainly noticing a trend...

What’s this place serve? Cold beer and cheeseburgers...
What’s this movie about? Snakes... on a plane...
What’s this web site about? Stuff on my cat...

What the hell has happened to us that we’re reduced to Fast Franks? What are Fast Franks? You might’ve seen commercials on TV for them recently; they’re hot dogs... pre-packaged with the bun. Are we SOOOOO lazy that we need hot dogs to come WITH the bun?!

How difficult is it, people, to cook up a hot dog, grab a bun, and put it in the bun? Do people need to eat a hot dog sooooo fast, that the time to put the hot dog in a bun is time considered wasted? Will you DIE if you salivate at the mouth for one more second¹ before eating that hot dog?

These Fast Franks are meant to be microwaved too. People can’t even boil water anymore. What’s wrong with you that you feel boiling water just takes TOO long? That you just can’t wait for water to come to a boil?

Laziness has reached all new heights, and it’s QUITE ridiculous. If you’re gonna contribute to the laziness of America to this degree, Oscar Meyer, you might as well stuff these bad boys with some extra fat while you’re at it. Hell, deep fry ‘em too! Twice! Then coat it with some chocolate... why not...

Fast Franks... pfffft!

¹ That is exactly how long it takes to put a hot dog in a bun. I timed myself.

There have been many studies done to show that a glass or two of red wine every day is beneficial to your health. It’s got something called resveratrol (found in the skin of grapes), which is an antioxidant. Antioxidants are good, mmmmmkay. It’s been shown to lower the chance of heart attacks, lower “bad” cholesterol, and increase “good” cholesterol levels. So given this, as well as my cholesterol problem, I’ve decided to heed the advice in these studies. I’m going to try and have a glass of red wine every day. I started last night by having a glass with my dinner, which consisted of 2 hot dogs. Fat free hot dogs, of course. Now THAT’s a classy meal

+healthcastle
+askmen
+red-wine-and-health